Dear Leader's babes

There are memorable dining experiences in Beijing and then there are the plain weird ones. Hae Dang Hwa (海棠花）belonged to the latter. Ostensibly, it looked like a regular Korean restaurant, off a busy street in central Beijing. But it was not. This was Dear Leader's territory. Yes, my dear bourgeois friends, it was a North Korean restaurant. And not just any North Korean restaurant. Hae Dang Hwa was reportedly operated by the North Korean government itself. In Singapore, we would call it Government Linked Companies. In Beijing, it is State Owned Enterprises. I guess in Pyongyang, it should just be called Dear Leader's Playboy Mansion yah?


Well, that would not be a moniker too far off. Uncle Kim sure knew how to stack his playground with what Beijingers would call "liang mei" and Singaporeans refer to as "chio bu". In short, babes. The waitresses were North Koreans who were apparently specially selected and came from the right family backgrounds. Almost all had smooth fair complexion, donned traditional Korean costumes and wore make up so thick a Taepodong missile would have trouble penetrating. Rumours in the Beijing food circle are that they are not allowed to wander around the Chinese capital and are cloistered from unnecessary interaction with the outside world.


I know, you are thinking of pictures. Sorry, I have to disappoint you. It's not that I did not want to take any photographs. But after snapping a couple of shots of the restaurant, our waitress - let's call her Lil' Kim - politely told me that phototaking was not allowed. I don't know about you guys, but for me, when the Dear Leader's comrades tell me no pictures, I oblige. I didn't need my neck broken into two by a Taekwondo expert waiting in the Gents. After all, as Mr L kindly reminded me, those dudes just launched a missile a few days back. Since Mr L is a high-ranking Third Sergeant in the Singapore Armed Forces, I obeyed his orders.


So yes, I don't have any pictures of the food either. Better to live to eat another day. I can tell you that the food ain't bad though. We ordered two bowls of Cold Noodles - Hae Dang Hwa's specialty - one sweet and sour, the other salty. Both came with typical sticky Korean-style vermicelli, which was grey in colour (see pic below, taken off the menu). I have had better Korean Cold Noodles in Jersey, but this one wasn't half bad especially as we are approaching summer. Mr L ordered the Bibimbap and swore that it was heavenly.


Unfortunately, the BBQ beef we ordered was disappointing, served to the table cooked, instead by being barbequed at the table like how it would be done at most South Korean restaurants. The meat was tender enough, but maybe because I have been used to eating it straight off the stove, the beef tasted a tad lukewarm. We also had two huge servings of kimchi, including one which came minus the chilli. Interesting, but give me the regular kimchi please.

So I guess the question is: What is the difference between South Korean and North Korean food? Based on Hae Dang Hwa (010-8561-2925) alone, the Dear Leader's people don't serve plates of free appetisers like what his enemies across the 38th parallel do. Presentation is also not as slick. Last, the North serves dog meat. Yes, you can have the woof woof in Hae Dang Hwa. South Korean restaurants, perhaps as a result of greater international interaction, rarely feature dog meat unless it is in South Korea itself.


When it was time to say goodbye, I was pleased to know that despite regular anti-west rhetoric from Pyongyang, their restaurants still accept American Express, Master and Visa. Ah, don't you just love globalisation? Budget about 90 yuan per person if you eat simply and do not order dog meat.

Upon payment, Lil' Kim profusely apologised for her bad servce. She said: "I am very sorry that my service was not good. I believe you did not enjoy your meal because my service was not good. I hope you can come back again and I will do a better job so that you can enjoy your meal next time." It was a rather strange thing to say since neither me nor my friends raised a complaint. Mr L, Third Sergeant with the Singapore Armed Forces, for example, despite his high rank in the military reserve force, is hardly one for confrontation with the Dear Leader's babes. (You can catch a glimpse of them in the background in this picture which I took on the threat of death.)


But despite her rather over-the-top apology, Lil' Kim still refused to make up for it with a pic with me. She said, while shaking her head vigorously, that she "never liked to take pictures." What a shame, would have been nice to show you her fake double eyelids.